remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
