i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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