I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
