oh fat girl friday strikes again...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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