cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
