My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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