Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
