Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
