U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize