dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
