pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
