....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've blown a few things in my day
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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