It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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