we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
