that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
third nipple confirmed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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