Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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