I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
