It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
