i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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