"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
