she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
