She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
