I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
