Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
