you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
