i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
