You made me cry and you don't even care
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
