we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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