I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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