Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
