so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm passing your future prison.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
