so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize