He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
