Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
