$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize