I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize