I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
