im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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