the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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