I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
