dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
