Whod you bang
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
