All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
