DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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