Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
