What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
