He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
