Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
