Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
