i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
