I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize