I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
