He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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