Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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