She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize