I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
