Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we made out on top of his cat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
