My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
