so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
