I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
