I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
