dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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