Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
