I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize