whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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