When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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