Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am available for nakedness
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
