and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Text me some of your sweat
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