nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize