I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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