my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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