YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
