hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Randomize
