just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
