legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
