I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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