at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
