I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
