trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
