i'm signing you up for texting rehab
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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