i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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