I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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